the last 15 hours

i jokingly refer to our relationship with others as the "junior high relationship" simply because the physical level our relationship tends to verge on the physicality of my relationships in high school.
but the reality of the physical intimacy is beyond my junior high days or even early high school days. there isnt that fumbling or awkwardness. but rather the freshness and importance of the smaller demonstrations of physical comfort.

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less than a week ago he came up behind me in an empty room and nibbled at my neck. if i close my eyes slightly and allow myself i can still feel the combination of sensations, from his facial hair, to the moistness of his lips to the light force of his teeth. every time i begin to think about it i remember the erykah badu song "i want somebody to walk up behind me and breath on my neck, just breath on my neck..." i know its quite cheesy, but its true. now since his discovery of the auto reaction and sensitivity i have on my neck, he takes full advantage of it. mind you im not complaining, at this rate i dont even care if people see the light red marks left behind or if i cant help but grab him tightly and pull him closer, as my body reacts with chills and goose bumps.

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last night was i drove him home from work and we shared our habitual hour or two alone in the car, recapping our days and attacking the larger issues and dynamics of life, he suggested that i take the long way home (a way ive never taken in that direction but rather only in return). as we dropped down the twisty hill he began to kiss my hand on every angle. silence fell over the car as i tried to maintain the focus needed to drive and keep us on the road.

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we sat there outside his house discussing music and falling silent again for a moment of energy and unspoken interaction. i found my head resting perfectly on his shoulder with my hand placed over his heart. in that moment i realized that i have recently been unable to find that level of comfort, security, and calm in any other person. i let my eyes drift shut, and squeezed out those thoughts from the warmth of my hand on his chest. he simply responded, "i know."

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in our conversation i jest about my nerdy nature and he pulls me closely and said whispers loudly in my ear "no, brilliant. gorgeous. brilliant." a smile creeps across my face, and he pulls me even closer so that his lips are just resting on my ear and begins to whisper words at such a low level that i cant make out the individual words, but feel their impact. as we un-entangle, he states, "i know you may not have heard any of that or all of it, but i think a part of you understands it." i simply open smile enough to say, "thank you" as he opens the car door. because i couldn't tell you what he whispered, but i can tell you that it felt like something in my core finally had the ability to exhale in release, and that a calm so varied from the internal stress and anxiety i was holding, took control of my body.

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as i climbed into bed, i began to draft a text message to express my gratitude. midmessage he called and spent the following five minutes telling me that he wants to make sure that i know how important i am and how he is thankful for everything i bring into his life and finally that he needed to make sure that i knew he was grateful for me and doesnt take me for granted. i was stunned into silence.

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i realize that i give our relationship a discredit by referring to it as a junior high relationship. the reality is that this relationship though not focused on the physicality of two individuals attracted to one another, has more actual emotional, spiritual and mental intimacy than i have ever experienced in a relationship.