manic

as i walked to my front porch i couldn't help but think that one day i would like to watch the sunrise with him. just simply watch the day turn over. i told him that in a text message. im sure it will be read how he wants to read it. but i mean it in a full sense. his response, "no problem."

i sometimes worry that there are only so many people in the world that you can actually groove with on all levels. im not saying in the mating sense, but more in the actually understanding, connecting, and engaging... perhaps even challenge in the right way towards growth and self actualization. the fact that these people exist is a beautiful and magical reality - i simply worry that if i meet too many of them too early i will lose them or perhaps if i dont embrace them when they are there i will never have the chance again.

tonight - god, tonight.
tonight has been everything and nothing at the same time. the oddities of the night only highlighted the preexisting realities, drawing the third eye. i know the "bull" is a destructive person for me to have in my life currently, perhaps at anytime. but tonight was the first night the "aries" came out and said it.

im waiting for a sign to point in the other direction. yes, i do believe that signs exist when we choose to see them. in reality its how our mind processes, how the brain fires without our understanding. but all the signs are pointing to something strong. something organic, unforced, sustaining, empowering, engaging, and something i have come to love dearly. im surprised my doubt has not poked a hole in this even internally. what is the person who casts out doubt - to be biblical - only true love casts out doubt.