three teirs of thought.

this evening i couldnt shake the sensation that the whole world was whirling around me in a topsy-tervy way, and i was standing still. but since those around me where twirling and spinning, i felt so off in my steadiness that occasionally i would try to sway simply to not feel so unmoving. even in my attempted swaying i realized i could only shift my weight lightly between my feet. it is almost as if in this solar eclipse i have lost my bearings. my compass has shifted and my ability to make sense of the world has tonight failed, even in its most basic queries.

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am i playing a losing battle? yes, i did say playing and not fighting, because really i dont feel as if i have put enough effort in to fight. but yet it is still a battle or perhaps a conquest - no a battle. maybe the only debatable word in that question is losing. no. am i playing a losing battle with our relationship and interactions?

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it was an off night. period. "."
i in my glittens bundled up ready to go. him in his sweater and shorts preparing to say goodnight. somehow we connect only with one finger each. our fingers wrap around each other and we hold. the energy from my hand is making the palms inside my glittens sweat. he closes his eye. "so much peace and calm in that, i could almost fall sleep."
"i know," i responded quietly, "but its too bad it is just for a second while you are standing and only with one finger."
a flirtatious grin spreads across his face and turns into a smirk as he says, "but i know how we would ..."
i nod and smile.